The ABC diet. Day 1: 500 calories.

Yes, yes.. I know. Shame on me. This is probably the 4th time I've tried this diet, I think the thing about it is that life never seems to go as planned to go with the calorie limits. But here I am trying again.

Current Weight: 97.8lbs
Weight lost: 0lbs
Overall Weight lost: 0lbs (so far anyway)

Today's Intake:
Calorie Limit: 500
Total Eaten: 320
Can of tuna: 100
2 slices of toast: 130
2 table spoons of light mayonnaise: 90

All I did exercise wise today was 35 jumping jacks, 15 push-ups, 25 crunches, and 10 leg lifts on each side. But I do that daily so I don't count it for anything plus I have no idea how many calories tha burns up. I think I'm about to run on the treadmill for about 30 minutes until my shower, I don't know how many calories that'll subtract.. I suppose I'll let you know when I post tomorrow, until then love you all, give me your support, and if you want to join me on this 50 day journey.. feel free to commetn about it and if I'm not already following your blog I will and I'll make sure to comment on your crap daily! and if you're already doing it... well let me know too. (;

Stay Strong,
Jordan.

The Judgement.

I've never felt more... alone, confused, fat, and useless. If you know me, you know one of my worst fears is being a fake, a copy cat. Well now you can just imagine my utter breakdown when I took a 'Self Harm Quiz' on Quizilla and this, THIS, was my result: "attention seeking....you are the reason self harmers get such a bad name.you are taking it too far by trying to make people notice you...are you really that pathetic and desperate?!? Because of you ppl like us are not getting the treatment and help they actually NEED. They just get laughed at. Thanks, you shithead."

I never do anything like this for attention. Never. But I believed everyt word. I haven't cried so hard for quite awhile. I haven't cut so much for quite awhile. I am pathetic. The Quiz Maker was so right. I'm just an attention seeking whore. Nothing more. I'm a fake. I'm worthless... I just want it all to end.

On a brighter note I suppose, I have a boyfriend. His name is Ronnie, in my grade, and he's gorgeous. I'm so lucky. I'm not even quite sure how it happened... It just did. And I'm grateful. But somehow, still so lonely....

I've got nothing to say about my weight except that I'm still huge, nothing more to really add there. Haven't hopped on my scale yet. And I just bought a Hollister bikini yesterday. So afraid to wear it out. Anxiety kicking in... I need to get over myself.

The University of Miranda MiaAna. L3. Work-Out Fanatic.

Work-out Fanatic:

The Work-out Fanatic course gives you a list of how many calories you need to burn each day (you are to burn more than 600 calories every day at least)

Weekly Check-ins: You will submit a chart of your exercises and calories burned at the end of every week (categorized into the days of the week)

Homework: Every Thursday you will be given a number of calories to be burned and turn in a list of exercises you can do (including specific time lengths, reps, etc.) to burn that number of calories.

Finals: You will be given a number for each day of a week and you will submit a list of exercises you can do (including specific time lengths, reps, and etc.) to burn that number of calories for each day of the week.

The University of Miranda MiaAna. L3. Point System Perfectionist.

Point System Perfectionist:

For the Point System Perfectionist you will be given a list of how many points you earn in these categories: food, exercise, water, and challenge.

Point System Perfectionist Chart:

Calorie Points:

Fasting (including water): 25

Liquid Fasting: 17 Points

100-199: 15

200-299: 13

300-399: 10

400-499: 9

500-599: 8

600-699: 4

700-799: 3

800-899: 2

900-999: 1

1000-1099: -3

1100-1199: -4

1200-1299: -5

1300-1399: -6

1400-1499: -7

1500 and up: -20

Water (8-9 oz) Points:

20 and up: 30

11-19: 22

9-10: 15

8:10

7:8

6:6

5:5

4:3

3:1

2: -3

1 or 0: -10

Exercise Points:

1 hour aerobics: 10

100 sit-ups: 5

150 jumping jacks: 5

12 ten second stretches: 5

12 rep weights 2-5: 5

12 rep weights 6-10: 10

Leg Lifts (20 each):1

Arm Exercises (30 each): 2

12 rep Toning exercise: 5

Lunges (30): 2

Challenge Points (only once a day):

Only drink water: 5

Compliment Someone: 2

Help Someone out: 2

No late assignments (only on school days): 10

Shower or Bathe: 5

Perfect Mani and Pedi: 2

Make-up: 2

Hair Styled (anything but straight down): 2

Wear all clean clothes: 5

Take all medicine/ Vitamins: 10

150 points in one day: 5

All homework done: 10

Clean Room: 10

Read for 10 minutes: 5

Weekly Check-ins: You will submit a list of all food consumed and of the calories you’ve taken in at the end of each week.

Finals: You will need to submit a report of all the foods and calories consumed during the entire term.

Hard Core Fasting:

In the Hard Core Fasting course you will eb given an ABC diet to complete throughout term.

Weekly Check-ins: You will submit a list of all food consumed on the calorie days of your ABC diet at the end of each week.

Finals: You are to add up all the calories you have consume through the term.

The Universoty of Miranda MiaAna. L2. Liquid Fasting.

Liquid Fasting:

Simply put, the liquid fasting course involves only drinking liquids every other day of the week.

Weekly Check-ins: You will need to turn in a chart of the calories you have consumed each week (categorized into days of the week)

Homework: Every 3 days I will give you a beverage to look up, and you need to give me the nutrition facts of that beverage.

Finals: You will be required to write an essay on the benefits of drinking water (in general). 5 paragraph format.

Work-out System:

The work-out system is simple. You work out every day, and add up how many calories you have burned.

Weekly Check-ins: You will need to chart how many calories you burn each week to turn into the dean (categorized into days of the week)

Homework: Every Thursday I will give you a list of exercises done by ‘someone’ in one day and you are to research and report to the dean how many calories that person has burned.

Finals: At the end of the term you will be given a list of exercises done by ‘somenone’ within a whole week. You will need to research and report how many calories that oerson bured throughout the week.

The University of Miranda AnaMia. L2. Point System.

Point System:

You will be awarded or punished with given or taken points based on how you do each day.

Point System Chart

Calorie Points:

Fasting (including water): 25

Liquid Fasting: 17

100-199: 15

200-299: 13

300-399:10

400-499: 9

500-599: 8

600-699:4

700-799: 3

800-899:2

900-999: 1

1000-1099: -3

1100-1199: -4

1200-1299: -5

1300-1399: -6

1400-1499: -7

1500 and up: -20

Water (8-9oz) Points:

20 and up: 30

11-19: 22

9-10: 15

8:10

7:8

6:6

5:5

4:3

3:1

2: -3

1 or 0: -10

Exercise Points:

1 hour aerobics: 10

100 sit-ups: 5

150 jumping jacks: 5

12 ten second stretches: 5

12 reps weight 2-5: 5

12 reps weights 6-10: 10

Leg Lifts (20 each): 1

Arm Exercises (30 each): 2

12 reps Toning Exercises: 5

Lunges (30): 2

Challenge Points (only once a day):

Only drink water: 5

150 points in a day: 5

Weekly check-ins: You will turn in a chart of the points you earned or got taken away for how you did each day of the week at the end of each week.

Homework: Every Thursday you will be given a list of how ‘someone’ did during a day and you will be required to figure out how many points that person earned.

Finals: You will be given a list of how ‘someone’ did each day of the week and find out how many points they earned for the week.

The University of Miranda AnaMia. L1. Allowance System.

Allowance System:

The allowance system is a list of foods that you are allowed to eat.

Weekly Check-ins: You will need to list all the foods you ate during the week and the calories that you consumed from those foods (categorized into each day of the week)

Homework: I will give you a list of foods every 3 days and you will need to tell me which food has the highest and which food has the lowest amount of calories. You will also need to do a mean, median, and mode for the whole list of foods. The list will not contain more than 10 foods)

Finals: You will be required to add up all the calories you consumed during term and will also be given a list of 25 foods (to find the highest, lowest, mean, median, and mode of)

The University of Miranda AnaMia. L1. Color Code.

Color Code:

Our color code course is a diet based on colors. You pick a color for every day of the week and you can only eat foods of that color.

You will be required to turn in your color code for each week at the beginning of the week (meaning the day before that week starts or during the first day)

Weekly Check-ins: At the end of each week you will need to list all the foods you ate (categorized by each day). You will also need to list the calories of each food you ate.

Homework: I will give you a color and a number every 4 days, you will need to list at least that many number of foods that are that color.

Finals: You will add up all the calories you ate for the term, also be given a new color and number.

The Univeristy Miranda AnaMia. L0. Get Fit.

Get Fit:

The Get Fit course is to introduce new people to the basics of the exercise fanatics world.

You will start with this list of exercises you are allowed to use in your weekly check-in (you have to do all of these at least once a week):

1.      Sit-ups

2.      Push-ups

3.      Walking

4.      Running

5.      Stretching

6.      Sports Practices (only for those in sports)

Weekly Check-in: You will be required to list every time exercised, and for how long or for how many reps. You need to chart this in categories based on days (Ex; Monday: Push-ups- 100, sit-ups- 500, jumping jacks- 300; Tuesday: etc., etc., etc.)

Homework: Every week I will give you at least ne new exercise for you to do. Every week you will add one new exercise for you to do.

Finals: I will choose one of your four weeks of weekly check-ins and give it back to you, and you will be required to research how many calories you burned in that whole entire weekly, (roughly close to the correct number will get you full credit)

The University of Miranda AnaMia. L0. Calorie Intake Counter.

(This is something that used to be around the web, and it has been taing up space on my computer, so I'm putting it on here. :P I'm putting up the program in parts.)

Calorie Intake Counter:

The Calorie Counters course is for those who aren’t use to counting their calories and want some practice before making it up to the big ranks.

Weekly Check-in: You will chart al of the calories you have eaten every day of the week and turn it in to the dean.

Homework: Every three days you will be given a list of foods (pretending it’s the foods someone had=s eaten in one day) and find all the calories and add them up. You will need to be within a 100 calorie range of the Deans answer to get full credit.

Finals: At the end of the term you will have be given a list of foods (pretending it’s the foods someone has eaten in one week) and find all the calories and add them up. You will need to be within a 250 calorie range of the Dean’s answer to get full credit.

The Skinny Girl Diet

This diet is like the ABC but a higher portion of calories more suited for beginners.

Rules:

Eat as much fruit and vegetables as you want, without counting the calories.

Work out at least 30 minutes, 5x a week.

Any extra calories must be burned off in cardio.

Day 1= 400 calories

Day2= 300 calories

Day 3= 400 calories

Day 4= 500 calories

Day 5= 450 calories

Day 6= 650 calories

Day 7= 650 calories

Day 8= 400 calories

Day 9= 300 calories

Day 10= 400 calories

Day 11= 500 calories

Day 12= 450 calories

Day 13= 650 calories

Day 14= 700 calories

Day 15= 400 calories

Day 16= 300 calories

Day 17= 400 calories

Day 18= 450 calories

Day 19= 500 calories

Day 20= 650 calories

Day 21= 700 calories

Day 22= 400 calories

Day 23= 300 calories

Day 24= 450 calories

Day 25= 500 calories

Day 26= 450 calories

Day 27= 650 calories

Day 28= 700 calories

Day 29= 400 calories

Day 30= FAST!

THe Hollywood Miracle Diet

This diet claims to be a 48 hour miracle diet, where you are allowed to drink only a specially formulated juice. This juice will be the only thing that you are permitted to consume for the next two days. It contains 100 percent of the necessary vitamins and minerals you need in a regular diet. I theory, you should lose between 5 and 10lbs in the 2 days whilst on the diet. This will vary depending on your metabolism and starting weight. Those claims seem wicked iffy to me. While on the diet you must refrain from drinking alcohol, caffeine based drinks and smoking.

Ingredients-

Juice of 4 oranges

Juice of 2 lemons

2 table spoons honey

1 banana peeled and sliced

1 apple peeled and sliced

1 cup of grape juice

Combine the ingredients and blend or stir together thoroughly. This will make enough concentrate to last you one day. Add 1 liter or 2 pints of distilled or spring water and sip the juice throughout the day. If you get thirsty you may drink water.

Alphabet Diet

(Just saying I' about to clean out my computer docs and I'm posting my diet junk on here. lol)

A 26 day diet that focuses on only eating one letter food per day, Day 1 A, Day 2 B, and so on

That seems simple enough to me. (:

The Seasons.

Case you were wondering, picture is me. Anyway, here we go... Summer is too close for comfort. I already know I'm going to have an anxiety attack trying to pick out a bathing suit. I just can't do it. I can barely take a shower without being sick to my stomach. I now weigh 96.6lbs. I feel terrible... Much better than being 106 but so much worse than being 90... I just realized that this means in 6oz I'll have lost exactly 10lbs since being out of recovery.... hate that shit. Anyway, I want to be atleast down 6 more pounds before I even think of going near a pool. My belly fat is still just jutting out of my shirts, imagine it dangling from the front of a bikini... More problems to worry about. I only have 9 more days of freshman year left. Finals are really soon. Next week. Awesome. I just wanna shrink away from everything. UGW? Invisible.

Finally, some body pics, just what we all wanna see....

The Ill.

I've been really sick for awhile now.

Sick and ill.

Sick as in disgusting, flabby, malnurished, too fat to be anorexic, too skinny for society, sick.

Ill as in puking, unselfinduced, fever of 101.3, any food goes right into a trashcan, ill.

So just by those facts you can see how impossible it might be for someone in my situation to gain weight?

Well, I did.

I mean, I haven't really checked... but I can just tell. I don't care if I haven't really eaten for the past three days. It means nothing.

I really wish I did though... lose weight I mean.

Last time I checked I weighed, 106 lbs again.... so much shame.... so much. I couldn't even tell you guys. It's just no fair.

For about 2 days I went through that recovery like state where everything was ok.

Fuck that.

The Truth.

It hits you like a stray bullet. It hurts like one too. Wanna know? Be quiet. You're the only ones I can tell....

One Hundred Truths:
1. My name is Jordan.
2. I'm 15 years old.
3. I currently weigh 106 pounds.
4. The most I've ever weighed in my life.
5. I'm 5'3".
6. I'm really short, shortest of all my friends.
7. I live in Pennslyvania.
8. I have a loving mom.
9. 2 sisters, 2 brothers
10. And a Dad.
11. .... and a step-mom
12. My parents split when I was in 5th grade.
13. The nest year I started cutting.
14. I haven't seen my dad since he left until this year. He cheated on my mom.
15. My sisters are four and five. They don't know what a dad is.
16. In 7th grade, I discovered I could make myself throw up.
17. I did it after every meal.
18. I was sent to three therapist who did no help at all. I am currently without one.
19. I seriously hate my stomach.
20. It's the most disusting things I've ever seen.
21. In 8th grade, last year, I could no longer puke, I had broken my gag reflex.
22. So I discovered if I didn't eat anything... there was nothing I needed to get out.
23. My lowest weight was a pathetic 90lbs.
24. I tried to self recover myself uncountabe times.
25. No one knows about my starving.
26. In 5th grade I discovered I was bisexual. And I'll never tell a soul.
27. I wish more than anything to weigh 75lbs.
28. To be nothing but bones.
29. To look outside what I feel on the in.
30. I don't think there was a time I was ever really happy.
31. I'm so selfish, I have no problems compared to everyone else... but look at me. Pathetic.
32. Everyone says 'anorexic skinny' girls are disgusting.... I strongly disagree.
33. I cut myself on my ankles... because they'll always only check your arms.
34. After I'm done posting this... I plan on cutting myself.
35. I feel the lonliest, in the most crowded of rooms.
36. I've always wanted to be checked into a mental hospital.
37. I escape into books, to escape from myself.
38. I make up all my problems. I have none, I'm just duranged.
39. I want to cry so bad... but I wouldn't dare show weakness.
40. People call me fat and ugly every day. Everywhere I go. The internet, at home, especially at school, even in my own head. There is no escape for me.
41. I've tried to kill myself three times.
42. Twice in 7th grade, once in 8th grade.
43. All three times with overdose.
44. Each time I woke up.
45. Why can't I ever swallow enough?
46. If I had a gun, I'd be long gone.
47. 7th grade year.... I was 13..... I was into drugs.
48. I was always too pussy to go into hardcore stuff though.
49. I crushed (popped um too) pills, smoked every chance I got.
50. I'm such a fuck up, I can't even cut myself the 'right' way.
51. I'm too much of a bitch to do it with a blade.. I do it with a jagged edge.
52. I do it with the metal end of a tape dispensor.
53. I got the idea from a girl in my class.
54. She accidentially broke a tape thing in the hallway, picked up the metal part and said "why don't you cut yourself with this?" so I did.
55. I never, ever sleep. Insomnia, maybe. Who knows....
56. I don't feel pain. I feel nothing. Maybe that's worse.
57. I expect that by now, no one is reading this.
58. I truely believe I'm the ugliest person I know... maybe even on the planet.
59. It's sick, and wrong... but I wish I had cancer... so I'd wither and die. So I didn't have to wait to find the courage to do it myself.
60. Rape and kidnapping are my worst fears.
61. I want to go to school to become a therapist. How ironic, eh?
62. I'm a whiny slut. No really, ask anyone.
63. I want someone to tell me I'm gorgeous, but no one seems to want to step up to the task.
64. I want to cuddle, right now.
65. I want to be a model. Want is the key word. Fat, ugly, and awkward are the bolt locks.
66. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb.
67. If I could do any drug, it'd be cocaine. Lose weight, get away.
68. I hate exercise, no wonder I got this way, huge.
69. If you are what you eat, I am nothing.
70. If my hair and make up aren't perfect... I won't go to school. I'll be on sick leave for the day.
71. I'm an A-Cup. Woot, how sexy....
72. I cut in class. A pencil tip, my weapon of choice.
73. My eyes aren't even pretty.
74. I want help, but I don't want to ask.
75. Hip bones are my ultimate goal, but it'll never be so.
76. Being over 100lbs scares me so much....
77. I can calculate my weight in over 50 different systems.
78. I won't stop, never stop....
79. If I have no weapon of choice, I bite my skin til I bleed.
80. If I run away I'll never survive. If I stay here I'll never survive. Help me.
81. I don't even smile, yet no one can see it.
82. Hiding cuts is my art.
83. Huge thighs. No gap.
84. I spend all nights, every single night, going through weightloss blogs... hoping I can someday look like that, but knowing I can't.
85. I wake up every morning contemplating every possible way not to eat all day.
86. "Let me help you!" "Go away."
87. Lips seeled tight. Won't eat tonight.
88. Wishing my Mom was on a diet, so I have an excuse to be too.
89. My best friend screams at me for not eating... she's not worred. She just thinks I'm dumb. An attention whore, a skank.
90. I think she's right.
91. Everyone I ever gave anything to, left.
92. I don't even have internet friends. They think I'm just lying too.
93. I still feel guilty even after I only eat 100 calories.
94. I have a sick attration to older men.
95. I'm more attracted to women then men, but I have'nt been with either.
96. I'm the biggest hypocrate alive. I promise you that.
97. I'll never be happy with the way I look, no matter what I do.
98. I'll never believe a word you say, sorry, I won't.
99. So many more secrets, not enough time, not enough space.
100. I love to hate myself.

On a still saddened note,, picture updates(fat, waterblotted, disgusting.):

Someone please tell me how gross I really am? Please?

The Crack

I just broke down.
I lost it. Everything. I cut for the first time in about 6 months. Still fat. Still a loser. All over my arms. All over my legs.

At school I get called fat all the time. I get down to 91lbs and I'm still fat. "Put your muffin top away" "Buy clothes that actually fit your body" Everything they say...

Even my friends parents notice how disgusting I am. "Are you pregnant?" "Look it's probably just because you've been eating more lately..."

What is so wrong with me?

Someone please tell me how to change it.

Make it all stop...

I just cracked.

Have you ever seen anything more disgusting?
No?
Me either.

The Walls.

I've been staring at these same four walls for two days straight now. It's gotten old. I'll make this story short. Major Fight With Mom. I never want to come out again. And have I mentioned that I also haven't eaten for these two days? The good thing I got out of it... 101lbs to 94lbs. Woot. And yet for some reason I don't think I've looked chunkier. Why is that? :/  And my face is covered in disgusting bumps. I almost can't stand them as much as the bump located on my lower stomach. Newest goal weight only 20lbs away.....

The flies.

The flies....

in my house are overwhelming. Crawling over everything. Crawling over me. LIke a decaying body left deep forest to rot. Is that what I've become? Skinny and dead? Sounds Hell of a lot better than what I've got now. Fat, and barely alive. I wish I could rearrange the way things are....

The flies in my house are overwhelming....






Hey guys, sorry for the long, depressing rants lately. I'v been in oneof those moods again this week. The self pity kind. I know it's annoying but,, this is the only place I can vent things like this. I bet you wanna know about my weight.... Checked it this morning and I'mdown to exactly 100. This may sound exciting but I've been here before and I'm still not staisfied. It's not like I've taken a long drop anyway... starving, recovery, starving, recovery. What a misguided pattern. I just wanna be 75 already. I just want to be skinny. I just want to be n o t i c e d.

The Tears.

I've never cried so much. Not the weight, not the fat, not the sickness. I've just never been so lonely. Left alone by everyone I know. Ventig a story no one cares about. Losing track of myself and days passed. I want to be loved, I want to be known and heard. Hunger hurts so much less than these pains. Fill me up. Make me live.I question myself.... How can losing weight fill this void?

Have you ever felt so dead that being alive was taboo?

I say: Fix Me.
He Says: I can't fix something that's barely there.

He's the one who broke me.

The Test.

I took a test in health about anorexia. It's our Nutition/Body Image unit, the two strangest things to put together, I swear. The test was quite easy for the most part for obvious reasons, but still.... I got one question wrong....
"What are some factors that can lead to one being anorexic?"
A. Stress
B. Lack of intelligence
C. Job located around beauty and size
D. Lack of a healthy self image

I thought most of them were correct and just chose the one we'd talked most about in class, Letter D.

The Correct Answer was B.

Sometimes When You Lose, You Win. My Ana Playlist.

"You knocked our faces to the floor but this is what we live for.....We'll never give up. No."

"I say you need to eat, she says I'll feed on your breath..."

"Let's starve down to the bone, we're looking better bony..."

"I can't eat anything without shoving my hands down my throat..."

"I don't look in the mirror, I don't like what I see starig back at me..."

"Hunger hurts, but starving works..."

"Feeling so easy, make me skin and bones..."

"Push me under, pull me farther, take me all the way..."

"I eat too much to die, but not enough to stay alive..."

"Perfect Weight, 88. She's never good enough..."

"Skinny is Sexy, Big isn't beautiful..."

"These calories are killing me..."

"I may be ugly, but they sure love to stare...."

My Tumblr.

http://thinskinbones.tumblr.com/

^That My lovely's is my newly created Tumblr page. It has NOTHING right now, but soon enough it shall. (: Follow me and I'll follow back! Also if you have any thinspo you'd like to contribute, considering that's mostly what it shall be, email me at thinskinbones@gmail.com It'll be most appriciated!

Stay Beautiful,
Jordan

40 Followers, The Eclipse.

First off, I'd like to say thanks for all the attention, I've finally reached 40 followers after a steady streak of thirty for almost a year. It makes me feel more confident in reaching goals since I know people are now with me. Keep Commenting, I love it. (:

Down to business... It was like bein hit upside the head. The sudden itching urge to purge. If you've read up on me on other sites, you'll know I havn't purged in over two years. Bulimia is where it started, binge,purge... soon enough just bite and purge. Nothing stayed down. The feeling a bit more statisfying than nothing ever have gone in at all. I quit that habit because I found it most hideous to hide, was bleeding from my mouth often, and was becoming immune to my body even giving in to the thrust of fingers into mouth. But here she comes, whispering old tidings to me once again. I'm scared and I've never heard anything whisper so loud.

The Veil, The Vows, and the Vulgar.

Twas the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen. Aunt and newly found Uncle combined to one soul being. Holy Matrimony. I've never felt more separated. Wedding cake laced in white, meats laced in sauce. I wanted to feel apart of it all. I was far away. Danced all night. Thought about burning fats. No fun. Where did it go? Castaway. Alone. Iwant ribs. I want pricking hips. I want to shrink. I want to go home.

Living with Size Zero.

New Thinspo, Bring Me Bones.