The Ill.

I've been really sick for awhile now.

Sick and ill.

Sick as in disgusting, flabby, malnurished, too fat to be anorexic, too skinny for society, sick.

Ill as in puking, unselfinduced, fever of 101.3, any food goes right into a trashcan, ill.

So just by those facts you can see how impossible it might be for someone in my situation to gain weight?

Well, I did.

I mean, I haven't really checked... but I can just tell. I don't care if I haven't really eaten for the past three days. It means nothing.

I really wish I did though... lose weight I mean.

Last time I checked I weighed, 106 lbs again.... so much shame.... so much. I couldn't even tell you guys. It's just no fair.

For about 2 days I went through that recovery like state where everything was ok.

Fuck that.