THe Hollywood Miracle Diet

This diet claims to be a 48 hour miracle diet, where you are allowed to drink only a specially formulated juice. This juice will be the only thing that you are permitted to consume for the next two days. It contains 100 percent of the necessary vitamins and minerals you need in a regular diet. I theory, you should lose between 5 and 10lbs in the 2 days whilst on the diet. This will vary depending on your metabolism and starting weight. Those claims seem wicked iffy to me. While on the diet you must refrain from drinking alcohol, caffeine based drinks and smoking.

Ingredients-

Juice of 4 oranges

Juice of 2 lemons

2 table spoons honey

1 banana peeled and sliced

1 apple peeled and sliced

1 cup of grape juice

Combine the ingredients and blend or stir together thoroughly. This will make enough concentrate to last you one day. Add 1 liter or 2 pints of distilled or spring water and sip the juice throughout the day. If you get thirsty you may drink water.

Alphabet Diet

(Just saying I' about to clean out my computer docs and I'm posting my diet junk on here. lol)

A 26 day diet that focuses on only eating one letter food per day, Day 1 A, Day 2 B, and so on

That seems simple enough to me. (:

The Seasons.

Case you were wondering, picture is me. Anyway, here we go... Summer is too close for comfort. I already know I'm going to have an anxiety attack trying to pick out a bathing suit. I just can't do it. I can barely take a shower without being sick to my stomach. I now weigh 96.6lbs. I feel terrible... Much better than being 106 but so much worse than being 90... I just realized that this means in 6oz I'll have lost exactly 10lbs since being out of recovery.... hate that shit. Anyway, I want to be atleast down 6 more pounds before I even think of going near a pool. My belly fat is still just jutting out of my shirts, imagine it dangling from the front of a bikini... More problems to worry about. I only have 9 more days of freshman year left. Finals are really soon. Next week. Awesome. I just wanna shrink away from everything. UGW? Invisible.

Finally, some body pics, just what we all wanna see....

The Ill.

I've been really sick for awhile now.

Sick and ill.

Sick as in disgusting, flabby, malnurished, too fat to be anorexic, too skinny for society, sick.

Ill as in puking, unselfinduced, fever of 101.3, any food goes right into a trashcan, ill.

So just by those facts you can see how impossible it might be for someone in my situation to gain weight?

Well, I did.

I mean, I haven't really checked... but I can just tell. I don't care if I haven't really eaten for the past three days. It means nothing.

I really wish I did though... lose weight I mean.

Last time I checked I weighed, 106 lbs again.... so much shame.... so much. I couldn't even tell you guys. It's just no fair.

For about 2 days I went through that recovery like state where everything was ok.

Fuck that.

The Truth.

It hits you like a stray bullet. It hurts like one too. Wanna know? Be quiet. You're the only ones I can tell....

One Hundred Truths:
1. My name is Jordan.
2. I'm 15 years old.
3. I currently weigh 106 pounds.
4. The most I've ever weighed in my life.
5. I'm 5'3".
6. I'm really short, shortest of all my friends.
7. I live in Pennslyvania.
8. I have a loving mom.
9. 2 sisters, 2 brothers
10. And a Dad.
11. .... and a step-mom
12. My parents split when I was in 5th grade.
13. The nest year I started cutting.
14. I haven't seen my dad since he left until this year. He cheated on my mom.
15. My sisters are four and five. They don't know what a dad is.
16. In 7th grade, I discovered I could make myself throw up.
17. I did it after every meal.
18. I was sent to three therapist who did no help at all. I am currently without one.
19. I seriously hate my stomach.
20. It's the most disusting things I've ever seen.
21. In 8th grade, last year, I could no longer puke, I had broken my gag reflex.
22. So I discovered if I didn't eat anything... there was nothing I needed to get out.
23. My lowest weight was a pathetic 90lbs.
24. I tried to self recover myself uncountabe times.
25. No one knows about my starving.
26. In 5th grade I discovered I was bisexual. And I'll never tell a soul.
27. I wish more than anything to weigh 75lbs.
28. To be nothing but bones.
29. To look outside what I feel on the in.
30. I don't think there was a time I was ever really happy.
31. I'm so selfish, I have no problems compared to everyone else... but look at me. Pathetic.
32. Everyone says 'anorexic skinny' girls are disgusting.... I strongly disagree.
33. I cut myself on my ankles... because they'll always only check your arms.
34. After I'm done posting this... I plan on cutting myself.
35. I feel the lonliest, in the most crowded of rooms.
36. I've always wanted to be checked into a mental hospital.
37. I escape into books, to escape from myself.
38. I make up all my problems. I have none, I'm just duranged.
39. I want to cry so bad... but I wouldn't dare show weakness.
40. People call me fat and ugly every day. Everywhere I go. The internet, at home, especially at school, even in my own head. There is no escape for me.
41. I've tried to kill myself three times.
42. Twice in 7th grade, once in 8th grade.
43. All three times with overdose.
44. Each time I woke up.
45. Why can't I ever swallow enough?
46. If I had a gun, I'd be long gone.
47. 7th grade year.... I was 13..... I was into drugs.
48. I was always too pussy to go into hardcore stuff though.
49. I crushed (popped um too) pills, smoked every chance I got.
50. I'm such a fuck up, I can't even cut myself the 'right' way.
51. I'm too much of a bitch to do it with a blade.. I do it with a jagged edge.
52. I do it with the metal end of a tape dispensor.
53. I got the idea from a girl in my class.
54. She accidentially broke a tape thing in the hallway, picked up the metal part and said "why don't you cut yourself with this?" so I did.
55. I never, ever sleep. Insomnia, maybe. Who knows....
56. I don't feel pain. I feel nothing. Maybe that's worse.
57. I expect that by now, no one is reading this.
58. I truely believe I'm the ugliest person I know... maybe even on the planet.
59. It's sick, and wrong... but I wish I had cancer... so I'd wither and die. So I didn't have to wait to find the courage to do it myself.
60. Rape and kidnapping are my worst fears.
61. I want to go to school to become a therapist. How ironic, eh?
62. I'm a whiny slut. No really, ask anyone.
63. I want someone to tell me I'm gorgeous, but no one seems to want to step up to the task.
64. I want to cuddle, right now.
65. I want to be a model. Want is the key word. Fat, ugly, and awkward are the bolt locks.
66. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb.
67. If I could do any drug, it'd be cocaine. Lose weight, get away.
68. I hate exercise, no wonder I got this way, huge.
69. If you are what you eat, I am nothing.
70. If my hair and make up aren't perfect... I won't go to school. I'll be on sick leave for the day.
71. I'm an A-Cup. Woot, how sexy....
72. I cut in class. A pencil tip, my weapon of choice.
73. My eyes aren't even pretty.
74. I want help, but I don't want to ask.
75. Hip bones are my ultimate goal, but it'll never be so.
76. Being over 100lbs scares me so much....
77. I can calculate my weight in over 50 different systems.
78. I won't stop, never stop....
79. If I have no weapon of choice, I bite my skin til I bleed.
80. If I run away I'll never survive. If I stay here I'll never survive. Help me.
81. I don't even smile, yet no one can see it.
82. Hiding cuts is my art.
83. Huge thighs. No gap.
84. I spend all nights, every single night, going through weightloss blogs... hoping I can someday look like that, but knowing I can't.
85. I wake up every morning contemplating every possible way not to eat all day.
86. "Let me help you!" "Go away."
87. Lips seeled tight. Won't eat tonight.
88. Wishing my Mom was on a diet, so I have an excuse to be too.
89. My best friend screams at me for not eating... she's not worred. She just thinks I'm dumb. An attention whore, a skank.
90. I think she's right.
91. Everyone I ever gave anything to, left.
92. I don't even have internet friends. They think I'm just lying too.
93. I still feel guilty even after I only eat 100 calories.
94. I have a sick attration to older men.
95. I'm more attracted to women then men, but I have'nt been with either.
96. I'm the biggest hypocrate alive. I promise you that.
97. I'll never be happy with the way I look, no matter what I do.
98. I'll never believe a word you say, sorry, I won't.
99. So many more secrets, not enough time, not enough space.
100. I love to hate myself.

On a still saddened note,, picture updates(fat, waterblotted, disgusting.):

Someone please tell me how gross I really am? Please?

The Crack

I just broke down.
I lost it. Everything. I cut for the first time in about 6 months. Still fat. Still a loser. All over my arms. All over my legs.

At school I get called fat all the time. I get down to 91lbs and I'm still fat. "Put your muffin top away" "Buy clothes that actually fit your body" Everything they say...

Even my friends parents notice how disgusting I am. "Are you pregnant?" "Look it's probably just because you've been eating more lately..."

What is so wrong with me?

Someone please tell me how to change it.

Make it all stop...

I just cracked.

Have you ever seen anything more disgusting?
No?
Me either.

The Walls.

I've been staring at these same four walls for two days straight now. It's gotten old. I'll make this story short. Major Fight With Mom. I never want to come out again. And have I mentioned that I also haven't eaten for these two days? The good thing I got out of it... 101lbs to 94lbs. Woot. And yet for some reason I don't think I've looked chunkier. Why is that? :/  And my face is covered in disgusting bumps. I almost can't stand them as much as the bump located on my lower stomach. Newest goal weight only 20lbs away.....