The Seasons.

Case you were wondering, picture is me. Anyway, here we go... Summer is too close for comfort. I already know I'm going to have an anxiety attack trying to pick out a bathing suit. I just can't do it. I can barely take a shower without being sick to my stomach. I now weigh 96.6lbs. I feel terrible... Much better than being 106 but so much worse than being 90... I just realized that this means in 6oz I'll have lost exactly 10lbs since being out of recovery.... hate that shit. Anyway, I want to be atleast down 6 more pounds before I even think of going near a pool. My belly fat is still just jutting out of my shirts, imagine it dangling from the front of a bikini... More problems to worry about. I only have 9 more days of freshman year left. Finals are really soon. Next week. Awesome. I just wanna shrink away from everything. UGW? Invisible.

Finally, some body pics, just what we all wanna see....

The Ill.

I've been really sick for awhile now.

Sick and ill.

Sick as in disgusting, flabby, malnurished, too fat to be anorexic, too skinny for society, sick.

Ill as in puking, unselfinduced, fever of 101.3, any food goes right into a trashcan, ill.

So just by those facts you can see how impossible it might be for someone in my situation to gain weight?

Well, I did.

I mean, I haven't really checked... but I can just tell. I don't care if I haven't really eaten for the past three days. It means nothing.

I really wish I did though... lose weight I mean.

Last time I checked I weighed, 106 lbs again.... so much shame.... so much. I couldn't even tell you guys. It's just no fair.

For about 2 days I went through that recovery like state where everything was ok.

Fuck that.